I’m 29 and although it’s not yet the big ‘3 0‘—in some respects, it practically is. Here are some pithy aphorisms and ideas to ponder.

1. When you take care of the small things, the big things tend to take care of themselves.

Clean your environment. Exercise. Eat well. Schedule time for dinner/lunch with friends. Make time for your hobbies.

2. Your environment sways your decisions and your actions

“The proximity of a desirable thing tempts one to overindulgence. On that path lies danger” — stealing a quote from Dune.

3. Socialising as an adult is simply scheduling it on the calendar

Make an effort to schedule activities, get-togethers, dinner parties. Learn how to be a good host.

4. Don’t have a single defining identity

Putting all of your eggs in the basket of ‘work’, ‘social life’, or ‘hobbies’ is risky. When one inevitably falls by the wayside, your whole world can shatter.

5. Competition destroys play

The great Chinese sage Tranxu puts it marvelously: “When the archer shoots for nothing, he has all his skill. When he shoots for a brass buckle, he is already nervous. When he shoots for a prize of gold, he goes blind. He’s out of his mind. He sees two targets. His skill has not changed. But the prize divides him. He cares. He thinks more of winning than of shooting. And the need to win drains him of power.”

6. Art is essential

You can’t let your creative soul vanish into the busyness of the day. You must make time to write, photograph, paint, sing, dance, stitch, sketch, or play. Not to be ‘good’ either. Although that can be a project. Make art for the sake of it. Show no one. Show everyone. Detach yourself from the outcome. Or attach yourself and accept some level of suffering. But whatever you do, create (preferably with your hands).

In the act, a transformation occurs, not in the world, but in yourself. The lens through which one views the world is altered. You become more joyful, and interestingly, you’ll find that the world simultaneously becomes more joyful.

7. Maintenance is essential

Objects require maintenance. People and relationships require maintenance. Otherwise, they break down.

Take care of things and things will take care of you. — Shunryu Suzuki

8. Stillness is essential

For a delight in bustling about is not industry – it is only the restless energy of a haunted mind. — Seneca

Travel is only as useful as the stillness we are able to bring to it. It is only in the solitude, the silence, that we can create meaning out of experiences.

9. Beauty is essential

Surround yourself with people, objects, and activities that bring you joy. That you find beautiful. Beauty is not necessarily in objects, it’s in the way one looks. You have to slowly remove the barriers that prevent one from realizing beauty right here.

Some people look for a beautiful place. Others make a place beautiful.

10. Relationships are essential

11. Love is essential

Love is just a special form of attention.

12. Attention is essential

Shut off your phone. Go for a walk in the park alone or with a friend.

Seek immersion, not stimulation.

13. You can’t do everything

Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one. — Heidegger

14. Grief is universal

Sons have been losing mothers for centuries and will continue to do so.

15. Loosen the grip

Sit and listen. Pay close attention.

A continual process over the past decade. We are so attached to our preconceived notions of how reality should be. Loosen the grip.

A family trip to Hawaii

What is home? Is home an external place? What defines a home?

Take my childhood home. If my mother leaves, it it still my home? If my Father leaves, then what? What if the house stands empty, and becomes inhabited by strangers. Is this place still home?

The more I sat with this question, the more I realised that home is less a piece of soil, but more a piece of soul. It is not the physical building, but what one carries within. The beautiful clashing conglomeration of people inhabiting a space in time and a time in space. A movement rather than a fixed entity.

I thought that once I buy my own place, once I have my own space, I will be content. But this is a delusion.

The goal of buying and owning house is not going to satisfy. What I seek is really a spiritual home; a place inside of me where I could feel fulfilled at any time. One carries it with oneself.

Home is in the habits and routines you wear. Home is the people you choose to surround yourself with. Home is how and where you direct your attention. Home is the lens through one sees the world.

And inevitably your childhood view of home will vanish. The idyllic sense of safety and belonging that one experiences in a family home as a child evaporates. But it was always an apparition. A ghost.

Home is always changing and shifting. One is always creating a sense of home as you move through the world and the more porous the barriers become, the more you can feel alive and at home wherever you move.