29
I’m turning 29, and although it’s not yet the big ‘3 0‘—in some respects, it practically is. Here are some pithy aphorisms and ideas to ponder.
1. When you take care of the small things, the big things tend to take care of themselves.
Clean your environment. Exercise. Eat well. Schedule time for dinner/lunch with friends. Make time for your hobbies.
2. Your environment sways your decisions and your actions
“The proximity of a desirable thing tempts one to overindulgence. On that path lies danger” — Dune
3. Socialising as an adult is simply scheduling it on the calendar
Make an effort to schedule activities, get-togethers, dinner parties. Learn how to be a good host.
4. Don’t have a single defining identity
Putting all of your eggs in the basket of ‘work’, ‘social life’, or ‘hobbies’ is risky. When one inevitably goes through a trough, your whole world can shatter.
5. Competition destroys play
The great Chinese sage Tranxu puts it marvelously: “When the archer shoots for nothing, he has all his skill. When he shoots for a brass buckle, he is already nervous. When he shoots for a prize of gold, he goes blind. He’s out of his mind. He sees two targets. His skill has not changed. But the prize divides him. He cares. He thinks more of winning than of shooting. And the need to win drains him of power.”
6. Art is essential
You can’t let your creative soul vanish into the busyness of the day. You must make time to write, photograph, paint, sing, dance, stitch, sketch, or play. Not to be ‘good’ either. Although that can be a project. Make art for the sake of it. Show no one. Show everyone. Detach yourself from the outcome. Or attach yourself and accept some level of suffering. But whatever you do, create (preferably with your hands).
In the act, a transformation occurs, not in the world, but in yourself. The lens through which one views the world is altered. You become more joyful, and interestingly, you’ll find that the world simultaneously becomes more joyful.
7. Maintenance is essential
Objects require maintenance. People and relationships require maintenance. Otherwise, they break down.
Take care of things and things will take care of you. — Shunryu Suzuki
8. Stillness is essential
For a delight in bustling about is not industry – it is only the restless energy of a haunted mind. — Seneca
Travel is only as useful as the stillness we are able to bring to it. It is only in the solitude, the silence, that we can create meaning out of experiences.
9. Beauty is essential
Surround yourself with people, objects, and activities that bring you joy. That you find beautiful. Beauty is not necessarily in objects, it’s in the way one looks. You have to slowly remove the barriers that prevent one from realizing beauty right here.
Some people look for a beautiful place. Others make a place beautiful.
10. Relationships are essential
11. Love is essential
Love is just a special form of attention. I like the distinction between eros, philia, and agape in the Greek tradition.
12. Attention is essential
Shut off your phone. Go for a walk in the park alone or with a friend.
Seek immersion, not stimulation.
13. You can’t do everything
Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one. — Heidegger
14. Grief is universal
Sons have been losing mothers for centuries and will continue to do so.
15. Loosen the grip
Sit and listen. Pay close attention.
A continual process over the past decade. We are so attached to our preconceived notions of how reality should be. We revolt when the world does not succumb to our will.